Odie: (quiet - picks up tennis ball and absent-mindedly tosses it in the air - wanders off to sniff crumbs on the floor) Throw the ball?
Me: So, what was your latest fun story?
Odie: (look of innocence and surprise) Blog? What are you talking about?? Throw the ball?
Me: C'mon, you know - the Odietheroadie blog that you have been publishing with all your great adventures, pictures and great stories. You know - the blog that has two (maybe only one) avid followers...
Odie: So do we get to scooter to the dog park today? Throw the ball??
Me: (fumbling with new computer, trying to pull up blog on internet) Oh my gosh - are you serious? You haven't posted a new blog entry since...what...last winter?? No - no on playing ball and no on a scooter ride to the dog park. This is serious - what on earth have you been doing? Why haven't you posted any blog updates? What is wrong with you? You have ONE JOB to do - that is it - one job and you can't even do that? Are you kidding me? The last entry has pictures of us venturing into a winter wasteland and blizzard on Snoqualmie Pass...for all your readers know we could have fallen to an icy demise. We could have driven into the ocean. We could have been put in the witness protection program, never to be heard from again. We could have driven into the wilderness of the midwest and never emerged. Seriously - since your last post we have covered about 9,000 miles, completed contracts in Florida, Manhattan and now in Phoenix, had multiple visits with friends and family and taken about 2800 photos. And you didn't write about ANY of it? What were you thinking???
Odie: Whoa - calm down human. Honestly I thought YOU were supposed to be doing the blog updates. I didn't know that it was entirely my responsibility to share my canine writing ability with the world. I thought I was just the figurehead of this operation and you were the ghost writer. I thought you were the one who had just ONE JOB to do and I simply let you use my name - surely there is a contract somewhere? Something? And furthermore, you got a new computer that I don't understand and am too old and stubborn to learn. And I was busy. I am a busy dog you know. Very busy. Throw the ball??
Me: Oh no you don't - you cannot blame me for your lack of initiative, your lack of follow through and your complete and utter insensitivity to your readership (ok, so it is only two people, but still...).
Odie: I don't even have opposable thumbs so how am I supposed to sit at the keyboard and type for hours and hours? You are so overreacting. Besides, I'm sure that nobody even noticed, but if someone did notice the obvious lack of blog entries during the past nine months I'm sure we can come up with a good excuse.
Me: Such as...?
Odie: I always like the 'abducted by aliens' angle on a story. Yea, that's it...as we slowly drove through the fog and sleet, the blinking lights of an unidentified hovering craft appeared and came closer and closer... Or perhaps 'forever lost in a corn maze in Nebraska'?
Me: You would not even bother to tell your two readers about all of your great adventures crossing the entire continental U.S. (again), your three months of blissful sunshine at the sparkling beaches in Florida and your boogie board lessons? About your long and rewarding days working at the hospital as a volunteer? Your brief stops back home in Tennessee? Your roadtrip up to the northeast? You wouldn't share your amazing stories of New York City in the summer, endless days wandering Central Park, the crazy city noises and smells and sights and millions upon millions of people and dogs? You wouldn't share the details of the family and friends you visited on our (long) drive across the continental U.S. (again) on our way to Arizona? No pictures? No commentary? No stories? What's it going to take to get you to focus and do your job? There could be consequences little dog...no scooter rides, no hiking, no 'Camp Bow-Wow', no dog park...you could wind up grounded to your kennel... no more beggin' strips or frosty paws.
Odie: Harsh words. OK, I will try to do better. I will. Really I will. Really, really, really I will try. I will try to learn the new computer and try to publish a 'new & improved' blog soon. I promise. Maybe I'll learn to make movies, star in my own calendar, publish a whole book of pictures. I could be a star!!! They love me, they really love me! Throw the ball?? Throw the ball??